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You do not necessarily have to be a Tromaphile however it helps to be entertained by Troma Entertainment to find Lloyd Kaufman intriguing , so the information written is fitting for anyone interested in filmmaking, or purely desiring a humorous informational book to read. Incredibly overwhelming the foreshadowed future of filmmaking is, Kaufman only makes things scarier but for his charming hilarity.

T As a young filmmaker in the process of his debut, I found this book incredibly inspirational. The book is so funny, it makes everything in the world okay. I continue to be impressed by the art form of filmmaking, and this book reinstated and caused an incredible progression in my heart. However, if you're not a Tromadict, Kaufman's drooling anecdotes of his past 30 years as a filmmaker can get stiff. But hold out for it, he typically pokes fun at himself or other people from Troma butt in when realizing how boring he must seem: comedy ensues.

Dec 06, Roland rated it really liked it Shelves: film. I picked this one up with lowered expectations. It's fantastic. Even though it's loaded with typical dick jokes and juvenile humor, it contains a ton of practical advice on how to make a film. In fact, regardless of how hellish he makes the process sound, you come away from reading this book thinking that making a film isn't such an insurmountable task after all.

I can't wait to pick up his follow-up books on film making. Feb 08, August rated it really liked it. Kaufman is such a character. I'd like to meet him someday, though not work for him; his style and mine just don't jive. He did, though, have a lot of useful things to say to someone who wants to start her own movie project soon, and it's stuff I'll keep in mind for the rest of my career -- as a writer and as whatever else I end up being. I didn't enjoy all of the asides, though the extremely casual language was fun to read, so it only gets 4 stars.

Aug 02, Amanda rated it really liked it. Not nearly as entertaining as All I Need to know about filmmaking, but a great read just the same. There are some tips about how to go about making your own movie, but for the most part just another life account of Troma Studios. I gain more and more respect for Kaufman the more I learn about him, he is truly an independent genius.

Jul 29, Elizabeth. I've always liked the Troma team, and as bad as some of their movies are, I've always enjoyed and supported them as a company. Awesome book.

Produce Your Own Damn Movie!

I can't wait for his next one. Sep 01, Natalie rated it really liked it. Lloyd Kaufman is quite the character, and this book is quite bizarre. But I actually found it to contain very helpful morsels of information about filmmaking. The morsels are spread out across the book, but the reading in between them is very entertaining.

I found the last few chapters to be the most helpful. Nov 03, Sparkler added it. If you want an example of what not to do, sure go ahead, read this book, but be prepared to be grossed out and generally disgusted by what you'll find. I'm insulted by this entire book. Jan 09, Hunter rated it it was amazing. This isn't to be taken too seriously but still, read and learn. Still, this is the book I have laughed the hardest at.

A good read but don't take it too seriously. Mar 30, Jared Tipton rated it really liked it. While somewhat dated in discussions on film vs. Oh - and the book is absolutely hilarious cover to cover. Easy to read and loaded with gut-busting anecdotes. Mar 01, bill york rated it really liked it Shelves: moviemaking. My wife made me put it down at night because my attempts to suppress my outright laughter resulted in bed shaking that thwarted my attempts to not wake her.

May 02, Joseph Heath rated it really liked it. Read this again for various reasons. It's a good read if a bit crass at times. And definitely a bit dated considering how far digital filmmaking has come since this book came out. It makes me want to make a damn movie. Mar 19, Meaghan rated it it was amazing Shelves: entertainment. This book should have been required reading in film school. There was a shocking amount of stuff to be learned that I did not learn in school. Ah well. Between this book and my education, I am well equipped to take on the world.

Thank you Mr. Oct 07, Dustin rated it really liked it Shelves: handbook , non-fiction , on-writing , reference. A great look at the practical site of film making by someone who has been doing practically everything related to film for over 40 years. It has solid advice, plenty of humor, and sidebars by the folks at Troma who have been working on films for years about every aspect of making a movie. Feb 07, Jesus Nomellames rated it it was amazing.

Please read this book. I will pay you money if you do. You will not learn how to make movies. He Won't Go Away. Du kanske gillar. Save the Cat! Spara som favorit. Skickas inom vardagar. Laddas ned direkt. Skickas inom vardagar specialorder. When it comes to producing, no one speaks with more authority than Lloyd Kaufman, founder of the longest-running independent film studio, Troma Entertainment.

He reveals the best ways to seek out investors, scout locations, hire crew and cast talent, navigate legalities, and stay within your budget. As much as I hated to do it, I sat in front of that damned typewriter and grinded the entire thing out, page by painstaking page. Since then I decided it would be much easier to do what Stan just did, come up with a thorough idea, and then bring in someone else to help me along with it. In fact, I did that with this very book! I developed a complete outline for the book, and then brought in two incredibly talented and fantastic cowriters17 to go about bringing that outline to life.

Plus, I get to make them do all of the really boring shit, like proofreading meye horribl tieping. There is a gigantic stack of DVDs waiting to be checked back in, an in-box of work I need to get done piled a mile high on my desk, and approximately half a million unread e-mails staring back at me from my computer monitor. My name is Kurly Tlapoyawa, welcome to my life. Thanks for being so dirty guys! I just get a little overwhelmed sometimes. How are you? How is the weather over there? Anyway, I need a cowriter for my new book. I should know better. I have enough on my plate as it is.

Plus, I have heard the horror stories of having Lloyd as a boss. There is simply no way I can say yes. But still. My name on a Lloyd Kaufman book — Wow! And we need to work fast. The possibilities it will create for you. Look, all I need you to do is read over what I write and see if you can bring a fresh, young perspective to it all. It will be easy. Lloyd is absolutely right. I need any suggestions and additions you may have for me by Tuesday. Of course, I had no idea what to expect from this little arrangement, so I decided to give my good buddy and Troma alumni Trent Haaga a call and see if he had any words of advice to share.

Get out of it. I gave him my word I would do it. Sorry about what? But did I shy away from the challenge? Hell no! I just so happen to know that working with me is one of the easiest and enjoyable things a person could do. In the end it took several years to arrive at the script I felt truly delivered the story I wanted to tell.

The exact opposite is true regarding the script for Poultrygeist. Some folks, like Woody Allen, have set strict goals for themselves when it comes to writing, grinding out a set number of pages each day, whether they feel inspired to or not. The main point is to get your damn script written! Or telling you that he is going to kick your ass. Do it. Shoot it. Shoot like every day is the last day of your life, like your fucking life depends on it.

And make something great. Make it better than anybody else ever has before. So there you have it, a down and dirty Tromatic primer on getting your script written and ready for production. No dear reader, your movie will be a visually orgasmic event, imbued with such passion and creativity that Martin Scorsese1 himself will be begging you for advice. Of course, if this winds up not being the case, you can always get your movie distributed by Troma. But hey, you will never know until you try it!

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I twist a mean balloon animal. There are two common directions I use in porn. Pop your body! I also tell people to smile more. I want a lot of smiling. A girl can have an orgasmic face and it might look good or feel good, but some people could misconstrue it as painful. In porn we want people to be enjoying themselves.

Smiling faces, ear to ear. Does anyone want to chat? My screen name is smallprintluver. I believe in freedom of speech as much as the next guy. But Lloyd, they offered to promote me if I went along with it. It was a lot of money, and well, that part of the sidebar was pretty graphic. Are we okay, Lloyd? I love you. Make your actor feel really relaxed. Another common mistake that directors make, and this is downright funny. A good way to tell if your story works visually is to watch it with the volume level turned all the way down. Remember, you want your actors to convey their innermost thoughts through action, tone, and expression.

If your hero has issues with another character, have him show it by punching his nemesis in the nuts. If a particular method works for you and your peeps,3 then use it. He makes his 2 The Battle of Loves Return; it introduced a revolutionary way to save money. The movie was only 75 minutes long, but it was so boring it seemed like 95 minutes. Sorry about that. It also introduced Oliver Stone to the world. Sorry about that too. His movies are brilliant. Along a similar vein, Howard Hawks was notorious for waiting until the last possible second before shooting to decide how he was going to pull off a particular scene.

His movies are also brilliant. Alfred Hitchcock, on the other hand, was a complete control freak — overseeing every single aspect of production. He carefully sketched out every scene far in advance, and knew exactly how they were to be accomplished. I prefer to be as well prepared as possible when going into production. In this sense I am like Hitchcock. But I am also completely open to improvisations and suggestions from my cast and crew. A good example of this principle in action is Jason Yachanin, the outstanding young actor who played the role of Arbie in Poultrygeist. Throughout production, Jason came up with numerous ad-libbed lines and actions which worked out incredibly well.

The disgust that the audience feels by the sight of the brown Jackson Pollock-esque wall of human excrement is counter-balanced by sheer comedic brilliance! Avildsen5 to try to shoot in sequence.

Produce Your Own Damn Movie Book Review.

This is a lesson I took to heart and follow to this very day. Both actors wore the Toxie mask, so who was going to notice? I kept the look of Toxie fairly consistent in terms of continuity, at least from the point of replacing the original actor. When I appeared in Orgazmo I was told by Trey Parker6 that the scene we were shooting was the last scene in the movie.

We may need to get clearance from our legal department if you insist on calling him a jerk-off. The Musical is available now from www. In fact, it sets up the sequel. An actual bar is always going to look better than a fake one,7 and things such as fake graveyards just look cheesy and ridiculous. By using actual locations, you bring an unmatched feeling of authenticity into your movie. This is because a location will always have a better on-screen aesthetic than a fake one.

Produce Your Own Damn Movie! by Lloyd Kaufman

By grounding at least one aspect of your movie in reality, you make the movie far more believable. We are going to lose enough money on this book as it is. Please come over. Now, this scene might have been absolutely ridiculous without our realistic location. By using an actual video store, we not only saved money by not having to build a set, which would have looked like a fake video store, but we were able to have the visual credibility of a fully functioning video store serve as the background of a completely unrealistic scene.

It is one of the few video stores in the nation that sports an entire Troma section. I have also heard rumors that the collection of she-male porn housed in the basement of Burning Paradise Video is quite impressive. You know that scene at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark? You get the picture. I could use some companionship right now. After the coming attractions had played, I sat in the darkened theater, my lips glossy from the buttery residue left by my gigantic bag of popcorn, and watched in amazement as the carnage unfolded on the big screen.

I really liked the movie. That milkshake line is from Juno. I think the toilet in my upstairs bedroom might be clogged. I need you to make some calls. That certainly sounds like a problem to me. This guy is basically Michael Myers or Jason Voorhees, but without the mask and machete. In fact, I enjoyed it. The performances are good, the directing is good, and the New Mexico locations are dazzling. We never really connect with the hero, and this lack of depth made me not really care whether he lived or died. Sure, on the surface Poultrygeist is the same old story of boy meets girl, boy loses girl to hard-bodied lesbian, boy gets girl back, and then everybody dies, but it also addresses some serious and relevant social issues.

Poultrygeist tackles problems such as racism, hypocrisy, chicken Indian zombies, corporate domination, bestiality, and the evils of the fast food industry, plus singing and dancing. No Country For Old Men had a guy in a wig hunting down a guy who found a lot of money. Hell, if I were to put out a movie tomorrow about a wig-wearing madman savagely cutting down his victims with a souped-up Flowbee, I sincerely doubt the critics would have given me the full-swallow blow job they have bestowed upon the Coens.

While in college, he organized a stage production in which the aim was to get the audience to leave. Horror is a good way to start in this business. That was the advice that was given to me. One of the things I have learned is that horror is slow. Horror is about anticipation and the audience knowing that something bad is going to happen. Stretch that moment out as long as you possibly can. There are lots of shots in horror movies of people walking down hallways or opening doors or approaching bodies — those should be done slowly so that you really build up to something. It is the things that we can relate to that make us cringe because we can imagine what this would be like.

When things get too enormous it goes beyond human comprehension. The other thing that is really important is having characters that the audience cares about. We really have to want to see these people survive. What we really needed in this story was a normal person to interact with him, so we created the character of his roommate. He had all of these things going for him and all these things he could lose when he started teaming up with this crazy mad scientist. It made him very vulnerable and it made us really want to see him succeed.

I think the biggest mistake you can make is to censor yourself. I shot a sequence involving a woman being tortured and a big nail being pounded through her tongue, and ended up cutting it out of the movie myself because I thought there was no way that it would ever be allowed on screen. So that was a lesson to me. Not so fast there, junior. Fortunately, recent advancements in technology have made it easy to get a good digital camera at a fairly reasonable price.

Of course, I just so happen to be a Luddite with a fear of my own cell phone. There are many different varieties of digital video cameras available. Also, be sure to get room temperature bulbs. There is no point in making a movie if nobody can see the damn thing. Boom mic with windshield Nothing, and I mean nothing, ruins a movie like shitty sound. In fact, bad sound is often the dead giveaway of a low-budget movie. I wish I had a friend. Just a little? Some directors prefer to just hire a good DP, since they will have a pretty nice camera package8 of their own.

To avoid this unfortunate distinction, you should invest in a high-quality microphone and windscreen. Unless, of course, you actually want your actors to sound like they are talking with a mouthful of marbles. These are the guys who have to carry all the shit around and set it all up for you. A solid grip kit includes Gaffers tape, leather work gloves, wooden clothespins, scissors, cable ties, measuring tape, thick black markers, a utility tool, extension cords, and whatever else you think you might have to keep handy while in production. Another great tool to use on your low-budget, independent movie is a wheelchair and ply wood.

This can be used as a makeshift dolly or to wheel yourself around after your crew beats you up. Cheaper tripods will wobble, fucking up your otherwise brilliant shots. If it comes down to feeding your actors or buying a good tripod, have somebody haggle some day-old bagels from the local coffee shop for your actors and spend the dough on a tripod. I suggest purchasing only the highest quality DV tape for your production, and sticking to that particular brand only. You see, different companies use different methods of lubricating their video tape.

If you start using different brands of tape, you can cause a serious build-up of residue in your camera. This will result in all of your hard work getting chewed up when you try to play it back or rewind it. Most editing programs read the time stamp in a linear manner. To black out a tape, put the DV tape in the camera, leave the lens on, and disable the microphone. Hit the record button and let the camcorder roll until the tape has recorded 60 minutes of complete black and silence.

Rewind the tape and mark it so that you know you have time stamped this tape. This may sound like a pain in the ass, but it will help you avoid heartache and frustration later on down the line. The important thing is to set the wheels into motion and start getting your movie made. Equipment can always be borrowed, stolen, or purchased from a store with an extremely lenient return policy and then taken back for a full refund. Just be sure to scrape off the fake blood and jism from the boom pole before you try to take it back.

At worst, you can put together your equipment piecemeal as more funds become available. Who knows, the next Ron Jeremy might just be discovered in your movie! I mean, talking about the advantages of a writing partner is good. Maybe that would be better reserved for a book about screenwriting? Think about it. Also, there are several libel issues that we should discuss. I LOOK like a director.

Here are a few tips to help you look like a director TOO! Be the best dressed person on the set. This will automatically give you an air of authority, and your crew will instinctively respect you. Be the worst dressed person on the set. You are just there to make some fucking art and do your thing. They will instinctively respect you. Scowl like you mean it.

Directing is the hardest job in the movie business, and you need to let everyone know it. That way they can respect you. When you see a PA walk by carrying a lb camera case, scowl at her. Wear an awesome hat. Something really fucking pretentious. Everyone will love you for it. This is the true sign of a real director.

Just look at the picture of me on the cover of this book. I was only on the set for a few hours doing my cameo in each movie. This serves no real function, but it makes you look really cool. One director that always impressed me was Sam Raimi who did Spiderman. Sam looks like a visitor from the city. I asked him once. Lloyd: What did Favreau do? Stan: He did Iron Man. It was a happy set. He has a great sense of humor. He was kidding with the actors, giving them a lot of freedom. Bryan Singer as well; beautiful working with him.

He was always so prepared. He knew what he wanted, explained it, and did it. They remind me of you, Lloyd. Lloyd: Very funny. Lloyd: Do these guys have storyboards? Did you manage to see if they have shot lists? I know a lot of them do storyboards for a lot of scenes of course, and they have a lot of notes. I would have loved to learn how to produce and make a movie. And you know better than anyone that a certain temperament is needed for that sort of thing. Lloyd: Have you noticed certain directors along the way that make mistakes? Real lowbudget movie. There was Sgt.

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Fury, which had gone on television as a movie of the week or something and everything about it I thought was pretty good. David Hasselhoff played Sgt. Fury, but the mistake they made there, I think, is the girl they cast as the villain. And for me it ruined the whole thing. Every so often if you have the wrong person in a major role, or the wrong music, or the wrong approach or attitude. There are so many elements that all have to come together and gel perfectly. I feel funny telling this to you.

Lloyd: Have you seen cases where people have compromised? Stan: Very often when something is intended for television, they feel the need to change the original script to have it more accommodating for the TV 60 Direct Your Own Damn Movie! Very often that ruins it, but that happens with movies too. There could be countless other things that are left behind. He determines what the pace is. He determines what to emphasize, what to minimize. Even when the script is written, the director still can let it go in many directions.

To me Daredevil was good because. Stan: Daredevil. Originally Daredevil was of a lighter tone and I felt somehow there were too many scenes that were too dark. So many of the really successful directors have their own style. You can recognize their hand in whatever it is that they do. You have that same thing; you can always recognize a Troma movie directed by Lloyd Kaufman. People spend a lifetime trying to get their own stamp of individuality, and you can always tell a Troma movie directed by Lloyd Kaufman.

That makes it hard to get enough screen time and a lot of theater seats. And, maybe this is bad advice, but I think the day should come when you do a movie like Sgt. Not an R-rating, but a G-rating. Well I think the next time you want to do a parody of something, you ought to write it, but leave out the things that will make it not acceptable to most theaters, but still make sure that you have your own far-out humor in there.

Your basic concepts are great! Now take something like Sgt. Kabukiman, so many things enter into what makes it a success.

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So they were able to just go with the funny stuff. Things like the Wedding Crashers and Knocked Up. In her quest for cleanliness, she has also, for some reason, refused to hang window shades of any kind. Scattered in front of me, though I can barely see it for the glare, is a haphazard pile of wood and screws, which, in a perfect world, would be a bookcase. Out the bare and unnaturally clean window, a group of preschool children from the Catholic daycare across the street are banging tambourines and ringing bells. I decide to put off the bookshelf assembly for another minute and get up to look out the window.

The Pope is in town, and the kids and their teachers are putting on a parade. I pull a Troma 35th anniversary poster out from one of the many boxes around my desk, and tape it to the window. With one simple act, I have managed to best the sun, the Pope, and above all, Maris. Time to get back to work. It is me versus this bookshelf. Up until now I have been successful in my procrastination. There are interviews to be done, festivals to attend, theater owners to fellate. But today is different.

Fueled by two cups of coffee and foolish ambition, I have busted out my pathetic excuse for a toolbox3 and decided to make a go of it. Unfortunately, things are not going as I had hoped. I down another gulp of coffee and attach one piece of wood to a bigger piece of wood. Michael is going to love this. Scratch that — Maris is going to love it even more. He is handsome, muscular, brilliant, and absolutely hates appearing in public or in the media. He may be a cyborg. It all makes perfect sense. I fear her, and she knows it. The bookcase still probably would have looked like a piece of shit.

But at least it would have been a piece of shit I was proud of. I sit back proudly and admire my handiwork, fully expecting him to do the same. In the process, however, I also manage to knock my cup of coffee onto the new carpet. Beside me, coffee has spread itself out on the carpet like a dark pool of blood. I start to mention that resemblance to him, then think better of it. Also, Maris5 may, in fact, actually kill me. I look back at the bookcase and then back at the coffee stain.

I had rushed into this too soon. If only I had carefully prepared for this task, assembled the proper tools, and organized all of the parts beforehand, I would have built a perfect bookcase in a fraction of the time it had taken me to cobble together this abstract piece of art. Also, there is a big black stain on the carpet that someone will need to clean up.

Stand up, take a bow, and pat yourself on the back! Now sit the fuck down and listen. Your script is going to change, so deal with it. The hard part is about to begin. In an earlier draft of this chapter, I called preproduction the calm before the storm. Preproduction is the storm before the storm. Think of this stage as a pre-emptive strike against the shit storm.

Use this time wisely, because the better prepared you are, the better your shoot will be. This animal was running scared. That James Gunn joke was hilarious! Contrast this with the carpet under my desk, which is marked with permanent knee impressions. Lots of explosive diarrhea. Luckily, I approached the preproduction problem in the same calm and level-headed manner in which I approach all Troma problems.

This is new, I thought to myself, but somehow oddly exciting. Maybe it was just a Troma employee in a Toxie mask trying to mess with my head, but either way. You look a little upset. ME: Oh boy, Toxie, you have no idea. A musical! I want to make a great movie, but the shit just keeps piling up. Everywhere around me is just shit, shit, shit. What do I do, Toxie? Right around this time, my Toxie image begins to get a little fuzzy and he just stares at me with his droopy eye as he fades away.

An MRI machine. Something had to change, and I was going to have to be the one to change it. Toxie was right. It was time to man up. This might confuse people. This will all make sense in the next 30 pages or so. At the very least you should have a few plans in place just in case these problems occur. Please call me at and ask for Pedro le Petit. How are you going to feed everyone? Where are people going to sleep?

Who will make sure that everyone has directions to all of the locations? These are just a few of the issues you are going to have to address during preproduction. I get very involved with choosing the staff. You want your production staff and crew to work like a well-oiled machine,8 a single creative organism with only one goal in mind: to get your movie made the way that you want to make it. The ideal production team will quickly bond as a family, pulling together during even the most trying times to make the impossible happen.

This is not bullshit. I have a no-interest mortgage and I need some cash fast. In fact, I suggest you avoid these people like the clap. Nothing can bring a production to a screeching halt like someone who has to suddenly leave your location in Buffalo to take care of some inane family situation. The amazing Kiel Walker graduated from college11 in and by the summer of he was working as a producer on Poultrygeist. Prior to this, Kiel had never been on a 9 Even those who stay must often be shown the door so that they can distinguish it from the window or from a goat.

Not getting laid. Not getting drunk.

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As the director, you are the captain of your own ship, and you need to make sure that your team understands this fact well in advance. Anyone who is slightly negative must be shown the door. Andy smothered all his responsibilities and made miracles happen when we needed him to. These are exactly the kind of people you need on your crew.

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They also both got copious amounts of ass. That way you can cherry-pick the most talented and dedicated production assistants PA from the production staff and place them strategically in different departments of the crew. It will help you. Several times. Thanks Maris. I had to get him drunk in Nashville to convince him to come back to Troma.

It may have had something to do with the water boarding as well. The assistant cameraman, Arsineo, eventually inserted himself into Emma and today they are married. On extremely small productions, each individual on your crew will most likely take on more than one position of responsibility. Sounds like it should be a breeze, right?

The AD is the poor bastard who has to deal with all of the people-oriented issues on the set. He has to be the lubricant that helps everyone come together smoothly.